Commercials, part 2

Sex in Commercials

A wealthy man is eating dinner at his favorite restaurant when a heart-stoppingly gorgeous woman sits down a table by herself. The man calls the waiter over and tells him to bring the woman a bottle of the restaurant's most expensive wine with his compliments. He sees the waiter bring the bottle over to the woman. She writes a note and the waiter brings the bottle and the note over to the man's table. The note reads: "For me to accept a bottle of wine from a man, he would have to have 5 million his bank account, a Ferrari in his garage, and twelve inches in his pants." The man keeps the bottle and sends back a note that reads: "I have 20 million in my bank account, a Ferrari, a Lamborghini, a Rolls, and a Mercedes in my garage, but not even for a woman as beautiful as you would I cut six inches off my penis."

Perils of Pedestrianism

It's getting harder and harder to walk around the streets of New York City--or to be more accurate, the streets of Manhattan. Partly it's because more and more smaller buildings are being replaced by more and more larger buildings, which means there are more and more people occupying a static amount of space.

Adding to this is the seemingly exponential growth in the number of tourists. This is in large part due to the state of the US economy and the poor state of the US dollar vis-a-vis other currencies. This makes it more economical for furriners to come here than for us to go there. It also means that many Americans can't even afford trips overseas so they travel locally.

The influx of tour buses is so extreme that the city is considering building a huge parking garage for them just to get them off the streets. And there are areas of the city, particularly in lower Manhattan, where the width of the sidewalks has been increased to accommodate tourists entering and exiting the buses, which cuts into the flow of vehicular traffic.

Surgeon General

My choice for Surgeon General: Dr. Jack Kevorkian. Need I explain why?